Dealing with Adolescents

by Lynn K. McMullin

Last night, I had the opportunity to enjoy a humorous, yet very practical program with Dr. Anthony Wolf, author of Get Out of My Life, but First Could You Drive Me and Cheryl to the Mall: The Parents Guide to the New Teenager. The program was hosted by the Canton Youth Services Bureau and the Canton Community of Concern. This weekend, the first thing I’m going to do, is log onto amazon.com and order Dr. Wolf’s book.

As parents in the audience, we felt like Wolf had looked in on our house and had somehow met our children. Wolf had us laughing at our kids, yes! -- but at ourselves, too, because we really do know what to say to our teens.

Wolf explained that inside every adolescent a little war is raging between the ‘baby self’ (which wants to be taken care of) and the ‘mature self’ (which wants to grow up and be in charge). In fact, he said our ‘baby self’ is still with us even in adulthood; we just manage it better. All day long at school, with friends, at sports, and at play, the adolescent works at letting his or her ‘mature self’ dominate. That's why teachers and adults tells us such wonderful things. However, at home, with parents, in a desire to return to the blissfulness of childhood, the ‘baby self’ emerges in our teen. Unfortunately, the ‘baby self’ is impatient, fussy, and demanding. The ‘baby self’ does not look at itself honestly, judge itself, or have a conscience. It simply wants what it wants. Wolf’s examples were very true and very funny:
“Mom, can I go to the mall?”
“No, dear, it’s a school night, and you’re fighting a cold.”
“I’ll be home by 9:30, and you know the mall closes at 9:30.”
“That’s not the point. I don’t want you out on school nights.”
“But, that’s not fair. You let Matt do all kinds of stuff because he’s a boy.”
“Matt is older. Besides we’re not talking about Matt.”
“You never let me do anything I want to do.”
“I said no, and that’s final.”
“Everyone else’s mother is letting them go.”
“You’re starting to make me angry.”
“You’re angry? I’m the one that can’t go to the mall when I need to.”

Wolf said the ‘baby self’ can go on like this for--EVER. And if only once in 20 or so attempts, the ‘baby self’ wears the parent down and gets what it wants, that’s enough to encourage the ‘baby self’s’ ongoing resilience and future emergence. Even though the adolescent does have a ‘mature self’ that should be saying, “OK, this mall-thing is really no big deal. I can go over the weekend, and I really should take it easy tonight,” it’s NOT going to happen at home, where the ‘baby self’ has dominance.

So, what did Wolf say a parent can do? The steps were easy: 1. Make a decision. 2. Express it firmly. 3. Disengage. Even, if you have to leave the room. But, never, ever argue with the ‘baby self.’ If something happens between you and the 'baby self', something that you do need to address, talk about it later when your adolescent’s ‘baby self’ is not dominating.

The hour and a half that Wolf held the audience in his grasp was entertaining and also very encouraging. The adolescent's ‘mature self’ is the REAL self, Wolf explained. It is the ‘mature self’ that the world is seeing, and it is the ‘mature self’ that will emerge almost completely in adulthood.

Dr. Wolf presented a terrific program, so 'thank you' to the two community groups mentioned above for bringing him to Canton. And, if you missed it, why not read the book?

Students' Wellness and Health

by Lynn K. McMullin

I'm using this Friday's blog to tell you more about our efforts to enhance student's wellness, a perfect topic this week because two fabulous events are on the immediate horizon.

The first is the chance to hear Dr. Anthony Wolf, author of Get Out of My Life, but First Could You Drive Me and Cheryl to the Mall: The Parents Guide to the New Teenager. Dr. Wolf will present a sometime humorous, always practical look at parenting an adolescent. The talk is aimed at parents of children in grades 6 – 12, but all are welcome. Join us Thursday, October 15, at 7:00 in the CHS/CMS auditorium. We work closely with the Community of Concern and Youth Services Board who are co-sponsoring this program.

The second is an after-school cooking class for students in grades 9 - 12 to be held in the state-of-the art Culinary Arts Lab at the High School. This seven-week session begins on October 22, and students can register in the CHS Office. This Iron Chef program is offered by Teresa Dotson, who also provides the district with the “Building Healthy Families” programs and website.

But, what else are we doing?

1. This month one of the Middle School's PE/Health teachers is going to Virginia for two-days to learn the Botvin LifeSkills Training program for grades 7 and 8. A grant provided the money for both the training and materials. The program fosters students’ ability to make positive choices in all situations, not just the ones they have been told to avoid. Lifeskills Training is one of the few research-based intervention programs listed in the National What Works Database. Currently, 28 different research studies provide data that the program cuts tobacco use by 87%, alcohol use by 60%, and poly-drug use by 66%.

2. Over the summer the High School's PE/Health curriculum was rewritten to emphasize overall "wellness" vs. athletic skills. New objectives focus on warm-ups to prevent injury, personal fitness activities, aerobic and anaerobic exercise, and so on. The goals are for 100% participation, 100% of the time. When sports are de-emphasized as the means to wellness, students are more likely to develop active adult lifestyles. To this end, the Canton Education Foundation has provided a grant for two Lifecycles® and additional aerobic equipment, such as steps and Xertubes®.

3. The McCall Foundation is in its third year of working with high school students, and this year its services have expanded to include more students. McCall’s groups provide drug and alcohol education and counseling to students seeking help for themselves or for their peers. In addition, McCall, as well as Parents-4-A-Change, will visit 9th and 10th grade Health and Wellness classes. The McCall Foundation work is funded by the Community of Concern and Youth Services Board, another example of school and community collaboration.

4. Canton Intermediate and Canton Middle School are combining resources for a student program called “The Power of Words,” with Monte Selby. The program is aimed at positive school relationships and anti-bullying. Canton Intermediate also offered an Internet Safety Program for parents last week.

5. There is an active Substance Free Students group at both the High School and Middle School. Call the school offices for more information.

6. At CBPS, our students are part of an early morning walking club when they get off the bus until school begins.

These programs are just a few of the things we are doing to promote healthy choices among students and their families.